Insomnia is fun isn’t it? (that was sarcasm, by the way)

Falling asleep and then waking up every half an hour until you finally just can’t sleep any longer and ponder what to do, staring at the darkness around you, I have a clock with a proper clock face, I stare at that, watching the hands turn, sounds like it should send me back to sleep, if only. This is becoming a regular thing for me that I’ve had this confounded thing, it’s mucking with my body big time. Most people can get by with Insomnia, in one way or another, however I also have M.E (Chronic Fatigue) so when my body has a lack of sleep my body gives in big time and I feel like I’d been hit by a train.

I have had sleeping tablets before, years ago though, when I first experienced Insomnia, which, at the time I’d just had Glandular Fever so I assumed it was just that being a pain in the backside, apparently not. However, I would rather not take any more medication than I am already taking, I have been suggested homoeopathic remedies, but it’s another tablet, lavender makes me sneeze, so I just go for nights, tossing and turning, trying to come up with ideas for my fiction I write, or dream I am in a film or TV production trying to get that to make me sleep, alas, it is failing me. Not even imagining lying on a sun-lounger next to the Mediterranean sea lapping against the soft white sand and the sun gently caressing my skin with its warmth can get me to sleep.

Going days and days with a maximum of 2 hours sleep the previous night, it begins to hit you, at first its slow, little things just don’t feel doable and then all of a sudden like a tsunami it crashes in on you, knocking you for six. So for a day or so you can sleep and then its starts all over again..

I know people who’ve never experienced Insomnia or Depression, I am somewhat envious of them for that. When you’ve spent 11 nearly 12 years on Antidepressants and at some points Sleeping tablets, the thought of not needing any form of medication sounds like heaven on earth, bloody pain in  backside being on medication! You have to remember to put in repeat prescriptions, and I usually leave it far too late! I should put a giant post-it on my laptop reminding me how many days left until I need to order more..Of course I have tried at points to stop being on my antidepressants, that was a really bad move..(don’t worry my GP was keeping an eye on me)

Its funny how at night things seem to feel so much worse than they do in the day, your fears seem worse, the slightest noise seems louder, the darkness feels like its closing in around you, even though its not, and you know its not, doesn’t stop it feeling it. The mind works in very strange ways.

Insomnia is fun isn’t it.


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