I’d managed to distract myself enough with my writing to be able to block out my mental state, yesterday’s events in Orlando, FL got me thinking how mucked up this world can get, which in-turn reignited my mental instability. To take my mind off it I created some photo edits, except that did little to help.
The darkness that I had managed to hold at bay began descending around me, made me want to escape this world once and for all, except seeing as I’m writing this, I haven’t escaped yet.
A select few know my “giant leap” that I am hoping to do, but that is dependant on my mental state, and if I can cope with it.
I was thinking all sorts of scenarios last night, good, bad and down right ugly, they all blended into one nasty mess, in all scenarios they ended with one outcome, ending it all.
I like to pride myself in being able to hide my hell that I live in everyday, but not going out unless I have no choice means no-one see’s my hell, the internet is a great way of hiding it too, as is writing. Sometimes, those things are just not enough, you need to find yourself, even if that means getting away from everything you have known and are familiar with, take a leap of faith.
It’s time for that leap of faith.