Prison of my Mind

A Prison of my mind, endless barriers, dark, endless tunnels, not even Michael Scofield can escape this prison, a prison of hell, solitary confinement at its worst. Plan A you want to happen but are facing the fact that Plan Z may be the only way, the only way to escape.

You can plan, but once you get cornered you feel hopeless, useless, empty, alone, you begin to doubt yourself, you doubt every little thing, there is no way out. Quick sentence me to death, so that I can be free of this Prison, so I can be free of the heartache and pain, so I can go, be at peace. 

I am in a situation where the above feels like my only escape route, I had a plan A, but that seems to be moving away from me, and speeding up, becoming so far out of reach that I want to forget everything, forget I even had a plan A, what’s the point? My barriers are logical ones, realistic ones, but ones that right now I wish weren’t there, just want to be able to get on a plane and go, follow my dream, be who I want to be, see what I want to see, do what I want to do, but I can’t. 

My plan B is looking hopeless as well, even further than plan A, down the long, dark corridor in the prison block, the only thing down that corridor is plan Z, freedom, but I have to stop myself before I get to plan Z. Don’t let the prison consume me, don’t let the evil in, block it, kick it back, shank it in the yard, scream you will not stop me.

There must be hope, there has to be, that chance of freedom without plan Z, that chance of my dream, that chance to see what I want to see, do what I want to do, be who I want to be, there must be hope…somewhere, far away, somewhere in the Prison of my mind there must be hope. I just have to believe in it, but how can I believe in something that keeps pushing me back, falling at every hurdle.

Get back up, keep going, you can do this. All things I’m told, “just have a little faith”, a quote from Michael Scofield. I seem to have lost that faith, lost the ability to believe in myself, there just is nothing that is giving me even the slightest bit of hope or faith. Nothing giving me a sign that I shouldn’t give up, if only I had something, even the smallest glimmer of light that would give me that hope that I can do this.

“The important thing is to KEEP TRYING, to KEEP GOING, and continue REACHING OUT for HELP”, I’m trying, believe me I’m trying, but I can’t keep going, not right now, so I’ll just curl up and dream, because that’s all I can do, because I am in a Prison of my Mind.

 

 

 

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