Firstly, sorry for a lack of blogging, my mind has been unable to focus on anything so I’ve spent most of the last few days colouring, its about all I can manage right now. So if this turns out to be a complete load of tosh, you know why!

I actually hand wrote a journal entry, something I’ve not done in a while, however, there was a reason. I was having coffee, by myself in a favourite coffee house of mine, Rubens, for the first time in, well, I can’t remember the last time I had coffee by myself. I do know the manager, and he was in, but that still counts as by myself right?

I think I will try and do one Rubens visit a week, or every other week when I am by myself, and build up confidence again. I used to have no problem doing things by myself, but that seems to have waned in past years. Hopefully build up to going to see friends in Manchester, which is only an hours train ride away, but still one hell of a jump for me. Even getting the train to my parents house the other week was a huge undertaking on my part, I hate being around other people when I’m suicidal, and I was that, thankfully on the way up I had no-one next to me, in-fact the train was quiet!

Had a DWP meeting on Monday (11 July), I was told back in January I wasn’t going to need a face to face meeting because of the reason I am on ESA, then they decided, “no, we’re going to make you go anyway”. Had to wait a whole hour before I was seen and then i was told it would be 3 weeks before i hear anything, so my sleep has been knocked, my entire mood has been knocked. Thankfully I have a GP appointment next week, it might even be this week, thank god for reminder texts!

Anyway, that’s all for now, the sun is shining and there is blue sky, so maybe a nice walk along the beach, or just enjoy the sunshine on my patio. Probably more the latter than the former! Terrible person that I am!

Have a great day. NW.


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