Not to Plan

So my weekend did not quite go the way I’d planned it, I was going to do multiple posts (Saturday 23 July), but having gone out for coffee in West Kirby and then I decided because it was sunny I’d walk back home, its about a mile. People say walking helps clear heads, it did something in my head, made me want to end my life even more. As you can tell, I didn’t go through with it, else I wouldn’t be writing this. I was just walking along the pavement, the sweet smell of flowers from peoples gardens, the trees were green and beautiful, the sun glistening off my sun glasses, bathing me in sunlight, its warmth was like a hug. Yet through all of that, nearly everything my eyes touched, made me just want “out”. During my walk one quote kept playing round and round in my head.

“Like a Dandelion up through the pavement, I persist.”

It kept me going until I got home, at which point I curled up under the duvet and burst into tears, I can’t remember at what point I finally stopped crying. I spoke to a friend during this time, if she reads this, thank you.

That evening my partner at I went over to his Nan’s house as his mother was visiting along with his cousin who is over from Australia. We ended up watching Grease and then Spiderman, a bit of escapism was very much needed.

Yesterday (Sunday 24 July), we all went for Sunday lunch, it was pleasant. I spent the evening Prison Break photo stalking from San Diego Comic Con! I’d eaten a large bar of chocolate which gave me a sugar rush so I was bouncing off the walls, when I came down off my high, it hit hard, and fast. Resulting in lack of sleep, and not wanting to do anything. I should really do some laundry, but I really can’t be bothered.

On a side note, my NoH8 Pulse T-shirt for Orlando has arrived in the UK from the USA and is currently “in transit” as the tracking page informs me. Hopefully I’ll get it in time for Liverpool Pride on Saturday.

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"Like a Dandelion up through the pavement, I persist" Wentworth Miller

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Posted in Blog, depression

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