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Have you ever been in a situation where you know everyone but when you’re only half listening it feels like you don’t know them at all? Well I felt that lat night.

My partner and I were invited to a friends BBQ, it was a gorgeous day here yesterday, blue skies, warm sun, just wonderful, perfect BBQ weather. So we go to this BBQ, our other friends were there, it was fine, for an hour or so. Then they (my partner and his friends) started playing the sort of board games I don’t enjoy, Sci-Fi things, war type games..never once asking me if I was alright or was there anything I’d rather play. My partner didn’t even once ask me during the evening if I was okay.

So they played board games whilst I playing Solitaire/Freecell on my mobile, which is fine, I don’t mind playing cards, but here’s the thing, I’ve known these people 9 and a half nearly 10 years, and yet, last night, I actually felt like I was in a room full of strangers..when I went to lean my head against my partner he moved away..it was his fecking arm. I felt out of place, i usually do when we are anywhere but our flat. I just don’t feel comfortable, I’m going to be in a room full of strangers in September, but i won’t be the only one in that situation so it doesn’t bother me as much.

My parents visit at the end of September and will probably be seeing family..I have no idea if being with family I’ll still have that feeling of “who are these people” because the last time i was with my family as a group was Christmas, and sure I wasn’t great mentally but at least i was okay amongst other people.I don’t know..just feel weird to be amongst friends who feel like strangers..

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"Like a Dandelion up through the pavement, I persist" Wentworth Miller

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Posted in Blog, depression

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