Memory Maze

I first wish to apologise for neglecting my blog, my mind has not and still is not in any place fit for updating. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just what’s running through my mind is not something I’m comfortable writing on here.

The past few days almost a week has been interesting, last Tuesday I went to a Maria Lassnig/Francis Bacon Art Exhibition at the Tate in Liverpool with a friend of mine, who I hadn’t seen in forever! Maria Lassnig was hit and miss for me, sure had some interesting pieces, I won’t deny that, however what she paints is..er..different. There was one piece which looked very much like a woman’s vagina as a head of a person…it was slightly odd. Graters that were morphed into something else, people that didn’t look like people, but something very all-together well alien! Francis Bacon on the other hand, I liked very much, I also learned something new about him, and that he was gay. One of his pieces Man in Blue is thought to be of his lover, the background is dark blue, with white vertical stripes in the middle behind the man, depending on how you look at this piece is gives a very different image. A lot of Bacon’s pieces are dark, have a “cage” as he calls it round them, they were pieces you could easily see in a Horror Movie or a Nightmare, yet something drew me to them, their darkness was mesmerising. He did do more vibrate pieces, not just dark, mysterious ones, these vibrant coloured pieces were so different from his other pieces it almost made you wonder if it was the same artist. However, upon closer inspection there are aspects that link all his paintings, whether it’s the cage, or a chimpanzee like face or a dark background. The overall feeling I got from Bacon’s work was his mind clearly wandered, whatever he was thinking it was conveyed onto canvas, whether it be a dark, mysterious man or a brightly coloured woman, you could feel what he was feeling. The piece that I found almost heartbreaking was one of a man in a cage, it was very dark, the man was curled up, fetal in position, he looked scared, traumatised. The cage wasn’t bars, just a white single line, cubed in shape, the black background making it seem even sadder. Every angle the same sadness, the longer you looked the sadder he became, like a lost sole. I need to thank Rachel for coming with me to the Exhibition, it had been so long since I last wen to an Art Gallery, to wander around it with a fellow Art lover was relaxing, and a joy, I hope we can do it again soon!!

My days have been mostly filled with Personal Writing as I call it, stuff that will never be shared with anyone except me. Although I have been working on some other stuff, which is fine so long as my mind can stay focused on the piece, it tends to wander. I’ve not even been able to do my colouring lately, my mind is too unsettled, it’s why going to the Art Gallery was so enjoyable, it was completely different. It was a bank holiday weekend last week and my partner hadn’t been given a day off last week, so I’ve been completely thrown, to the point I actually managed to forget to reorder my Antidepressants, so since Thursday I’ve been on only 37.5mg instead of the full 187.5! Woops..

My online course to do with the History of Hollywood has been pushed back to starting 1 November now, apparently Penn want to improve some of the content, considering I’m not paying for it, I’m not likely to complain.

22 September is when my Acting Course at MAD (Merseyside Academy of Drama) begins, excited, nervous, hopefully, ultimately being able to meet new people who are there for the same reason I am, is something to look forward to. 

Vancouver, British Columbia, that city on the West Coast of Canada, I keep hearing adverts for flights, seeing little snippets of things there, hearing that a new production is starting up next year there. O Canada stop torturing me! If I could get on a plane and go I bloody well would have already!

“Life is not a dress rehearsal”, “ah yes. That old chestnut. With all due respect f-ck that noise.” – the starting lines to one of Wentworth’s FB notes he did the other day. He went on, at length, talking about practice and perfectionism amongst many other things. A lot of the things he said resonated with me, it was nice reading something that I could relate to. He really is more than just a beautiful face, I maybe slightly biased! haha!

Anyway, hopefully things will get better..

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"Like a Dandelion up through the pavement, I persist" Wentworth Miller

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Posted in Blog, depression, writing

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