I feel drained, fed up, I need a holiday.
We all know that feeling, that feeling of needing to get away, unfortunately for me I can’t afford to get away. And boy do I need to get away. People around me are doing well in life, yet I’m getting/going no-where. That feeling of endless repition is draining every hope from my sole. I was/am pleased for Went for getting his award, pleased for a friend who after many long years finally got to meet him (with another friends assistance), pleased for my friends and family who are doing well, enjoying life.
To be accepted for who you are is so important. Today is “Coming Out Day”, I’ve said before I am bisexual, I’m not afraid to tell people that, but so many do feel afraid to tell others their sexuality. Everyone should be free to be who they want to be, without fear of judgement or prejudice. So to all those wonderful people out there yet to tell the world your true colours, do so, be free, let those colours fly because you are wanted, you are loved and you are like everyone else, human.
I maybe unafraid to tell people my sexuality, I am however afraid to tell of mental health, my gender questioning, it’s a situation I tried to overcome on my first day of acting class. One of the main reasons I went was to help my mental state. I didn’t mention sexuality at all, that has nothing to do with anything. You tell someone you’re LGBT and usually they have no problem, tell someone there is a mental health issue with you and it’s a whole different kettle of fish. Thankfully my acting class didn’t judge me, in fact they were supportive of my mental health. It was a relief I can tell you.
I’m thankful for the people I do know who don’t judge my mental health or sexuality, very few know of my questioning, I still need to do more discovery and research in that regard. Reading about the LGBTQ community and how they’re more likely to have Mental Health issues than others bugs me. Not because I don’t agree, I’m sure many do, but so many straight people have Mental Health issues too, 1 in 6 I read somewhere…that’s 1 in 6 too many. Yesterday was international mental health day, I hope someone, somewhere in the world learned there is help for them. I also hope the stigma surrounding Mental Health is eased, although the likelihood of that is slight, and that saddens me.
I spend so much of my time thinking of others, I rarely think about myself, I know I need to spend time for myself, to love myself, but it’s so hard. What is the first step? Acceptance? How can I accept myself when I don’t even feel like I’m in the right place? I question this constantly, I wonder if I will ever find “the right place”, maybe, one day.
One Day…two three letter words that can have such a big impact on the reader or speaker. One Day I will do x, y and z. My one day list is so long I’ll be dead before I do even a quarter. My biggest One Day is telling people my biggest fear and my childhood. One Day at a time, I hear that a lot, it’s starting to get dull. One Day…
No-one should be labeled, whether it’s gay, lesbian, bi, trans, depressed, schizophrenic, autistic, bipolar, disabled (sorry if I missed anything). People are people regardless of their sexuality, mental or physical state. Just accept people for who they are, like/love them for who they are not the label people put on them. We are not brands. Respect everyone, regardless.