When all seems lost don’t give up, it may feel like you have no choice, that you have that feeling of no-one wanting you, no-one caring, but someone, somewhere, does, you are not alone. (this is not just for everyone who needs it but also for me)
There are days, like today, when I literally don’t want to carry on, I battle through, through the tears and the hurt, through the darkness and loneliness, I battle on. I keep going even though I don’t feel like I’m worthy of it, why? Because if I stop I will have failed, not just my family and friends but myself. I have failed at life many times, there are so many occasions I wanted to just give it all up, throw in the towel. I didn’t.
I said yesterday that today was just another day, which it is, yet today has felt one of the hardest of the year so far. So much has been going through my head, I spoke to my wonderful Grandmother today on the phone, she has alzheimers, it’s pretty bad, but she is 96, I will let her off..she sounded like Grandma, her laugh was Grandma, but everything else..I wish my Grandma didn’t have alzheimers, I could with her right now. She always had a positive outlook on life, always a smile on her face, her eyes glistened whenever I walked in the room, the biggest bear hugs I have ever had, have always come from her, and Grandad, alas I don’t see them anywhere near as much as I’d like, they were there when I was at my absolute worst, with smiles on their faces, and warm, loving hugs. It would make them sad knowing I was like this, so I’m not going to give up. Not yet.
Got my acting class on Thursday, dreading it, but I will persevere, already debating whether or not to do the advanced acting class after this one. I guess it depends on a few things.
Anyway, Don’t Give Up, Chin Up, tomorrow is another day!