My previous post, The Evil Within, may have had positive words in it, but believe me when I say, I was not positive in any way whilst I wrote it. I’ve had a very difficult time lately, I’m in a very dark place, spent so much time crying I’m surprised I have any tears left. When I need to talk to someone most, there is no-one, sure I could call Samaritans, but the thought of ringing them makes me uneasy, I don’t know why, it’s their job after-all to listen.
I’m at war with myself and everything around me. I have some decisions I need to make, decisions that are rather big, and wouldn’t only affect me, they’d affect many people. I know deep down my own happiness is the most important thing, but I care too much about others for me to put myself first.
I’m trying so hard to keep going, trying not to put my emotions on others. I don’t want to bring other people down, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone who will message me or text me and simply say, “I know you’re not okay, but that’s okay, I’m here, I care, you are not alone”. You’d think something as simple as that would be easy, but I haven’t had that, not for such a very long time. May-be one day, one day I’ll be able to look back when I’ve achieved my dream and realise that even though I felt like hell and didn’t want to carry on, I did, I kept going, I survived.