Spring Showers and Inspirations

Pretty sure I can still get away with saying we’ve had “Spring Showers” today, managed to get a photo(s) of my, so far only, flowering Petunia ‘Monet’. The one I have as my ‘Featured Image’ is my favourite, no idea why, just like it.

Definitely had a ‘forget about it’ sort of week, even today has been hard. Blasted darkness creeping towards me again, why don’t you just leave me alone! (the darkness not you, the reader) I can’t remember who told me, but someone once said to me I have the ability to write sadness yet put humour into it, apparently that’s a talent? Guess I’m a little like that in my acting too, though, I’m pretty sure not as much. I know I can be better, I know I have it in me. Just every time I feel I am getting somewhere that little voice echoes around my head telling me “You’re useless”, “You’re pathetic”, “You’re not good enough”, “You’re too ugly for acting”, “Why don’t you just give up?”. I’m fighting, at least, I’m trying, but when my colouring app, reading and a Samurai Sudoku don’t help blank things out, I know it’s getting bad. *sigh* Oh well, keep plodding on, it’s what I do after all.

Roughly 2 hours from here is a place called Telford, it’s in Shropshire, quite near RAF Cosford. Why is that of importance? Well, people I have come to know as my “Wentfam”, well some of them, are there because the great man himself, Wentworth Miller along with his equally talented friend, Dominic Purcell are currently there. They got to meet WM, spend time with him, talk to him, have photos, autographs etc. I wanted to go, but the cost was too much. Am I jealous? A bit. More sadness, he is so close, and he gives me so much hope and inspiration that I can get through anything and I can achieve what I want. To have been able to tell him that, in person, rather than just via a comment on his Facebook page, to actually meet him, there would be no words to describe how that would feel. Sounds silly that there is someone who can mean so much yet the chances of me meeting are so small. His Mail Bags that he does are a great insight into how he does so much, he really needs to do a post on how he learnt his craft, how he controlled the nerves or used them to his advantage, would be rather useful! RAF Cosford, for the majority, you won’t know this, so here’s a little thing, I always wanted to join the Royal Air Force (there are a few reasons why I wanted to join, may be I’ll do a post one day about it but not now), I applied, you probably can work out what happened* anyway, I went to the Museum that is part of RAF Cosford, best day, surrounded my RAF Planes and history and all things RAF, would love to go back, one day.

Of all the people in the Acting world who have given me hope and belief, other than Wentworth, two are dead, one is slowly retiring from Acting, and one can’t even remember. Very few people inspire hope and belief in me, I often find myself ‘listening’ to WM when I need a little boost. And not just him.
– Alan Rickman, who didn’t get into acting until 33, knowing that made me not give up. The first thing I ever remember seeing him in was Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone, that first speech of his in the Potions room, I know it, word for word, that’s how impressive an actor Alan Rickman was. He could make you feel like the only one in the room, even on film.
– Robin Williams, he made me laugh when no-one else could. He gave me wisdom before I knew of WM. The films he has been in are broad, so many, it’s amazing. There are two films though that stick with me more than any others, Aladdin, oh how he made me laugh, the wit, the humour, and also the belief. The other is Goodwill Hunting, now, it’s not so much his character, although, to a certain degree it is, but the words he said, how he said them, they left a mark. Genie, you’re free.
– Dame Judi Dench, one of the first female leads I ever saw, and from the moment I saw her, I was captured by her talent, and beauty. Like Alan, and Robin, she can make you feel like the only one watching. Her ability to switch between comedy and serious in the blink of an eye, all actors can do that of course, but I’d never seen a female lead like her before. (I had only heard of other female actors, never seen them at the point I first saw Dame Judi Dench)
– My Grandmother, who was never on TV or in a Film, but she captured my imagination from a very young age. Her laughter, her smile, her ability to act without me even realising it. It was through watching her, and her telling me about her acting in theatres and our odd little improvisations that I learnt my craft. Just by watching. How to keep poker faced when you really want to laugh. How to gaze without looking bored. How to hide how you really feel. I’ll say now, my Grandmother is still very much alive, although she doesn’t remember much, she’s 96 and has Alzheimer’s, think I can forgive her for that.

An acting friend of mine asked how I was the other day purely because I’d not been myself at acting class. It meant so much for them to ask that, that simple question. It’s nice to have friends.

*If you hadn’t worked it out, I didn’t get in. But not because of anything involving me, not at the time, it was something else, something I’m not going to talk about. One day I will, eventually.

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